Dear Grandma

I've just been thinking about you alot lately....I miss you. I know you are having a great time in heaven but sometimes I just want you back. It still doesn't seem real that you are not here. I don't want to forget anything about you. I don't want Eric to forget you. The other day he asked me to sing Beautiful and as I sang it I could here your wonderful voice singing along with me.
I was watching a show tonight about this Italian girl who had her Italian grandam with her. Her grandma kept trying to feed all the people around her breakfast and it just reminded me of you, always making sure everyone was taken care of and most of all, fed:-)

I'm so proud to be your grandaughter and be related to such a wonderful, strong women with such a kind, caring heart.

I love you
Moriah

Happy Mother's day

I know Grandma isn't here but I wanted to wish her a Happy Mother's day anyway. I miss you Grandma and wish you were here to spend today with us! Happy MOther's day!You were a wonderful mother to all!

Still Missing You

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, but I check it all the time. I love looking at pictures of Grandma and remembering all the amazing things about her. I've been having lots of dreams about her lately...she's always in her 60's for some reason. =) I guess she makes sure that she's still young, even in my dreams. I don't know if this sounds crazy, but I truly believe she can and does watch over us in different ways. The other night I was sleeping and heard her voice...then I woke up and felt like she was hugging me. For a split second I had forgotten that she's gone, and it was so nice to feel her hugs again. I think about her everyday and I am missing her so much. I am happy for her that I didn't get my way because I know she's in a better place, but I wish I could've held on just a little longer. I think about Dayton and this new little baby in my belly and my heart breaks when I think of them not even knowing who this wonderful Grandma was. I won't get to hear her rock my little newborn to sleep singing "beautiful". It's still so hard to digest. She'd be so mad that I'm allergic to pasta! I'm such a bad italian!
So anyway, for those of you who do read this...I'm sorry for making you cry! I just needed to get this all out.
Grandma, I love you so much and I'm so thankful to have had you in my life! You will always be a part of me and please continue to haunt me. =) Dreams of you give me peace and make me remember all the good times we've had.

Mothers day is coming

Yesterday I was thinking about mothers day. I've never had a mothers day without my mother. I've heard that all the 1st holidays is hard.
I was driving down to Kalispell one day, the rest of the car was sleeping and I was singing. I just started singing all the songs I could think of. Many of the scripture songs I grew up on. I like to keep them in my memory. Then I started singing beautiful. It's bad to cry and drive in the same time! That will always be a hard song to sing now, without crying.

Beautiful

My grandma used to sing this song to all of us grandkids, and even as I got older she would sing it all the time. When Dayton was born she sang it to him, and now I sing it to him all the time. Right before she died I was trying to get Dayton to sleep and I started singing it...she was asleep and I thought she was out of it, but she woke up just long enough to say, "Oh that is so beautiful April, keep singing." And that is what I'm going to do. I will sing it to my kids, and grandkids, and maybe someday they will play it at my memorial service too. So here it is...it's short and sweet, but it will forever have a special place in my heart.

"Beautiful, Beautiful, Jesus is Beautiful
And Jesus makes beautiful things in my life.
Carefully, touching me, causing my eyes to see,
Jesus makes beautiful things in my life."

I think she always believed that Jesus would make beautiful things of her life...and boy did He ever! I pray that God would touch the lives around me just like He did with people that came in contact with her. She is so missed!

Grandma

I posted this on my blog about planning the Memorial service.

We have never done this before and I am really hoping it will not have to be done again anytime soon.

It is alot of work, but it gives a different look at some things we should have done before we die. It is nice to have a few things written down of what we would like!

It is nice because Grandma had gone to church up here for the past year and formed some relationships and really came back out of a cloistered life she had led for the past 4 years before that! I had fun hearing some memories of my grandma from before that I had never heard before.

My mom was the youngest of 5 children, she married young and moved away from her family for awhile. We saw grandma when she came to visit or we visited, but it was not too often as we traveled alot. That is why it was so special to be able to get a good relationship with her these past few years. When she got really sick about 2.5 years ago, I went down to CA with T. and helped take care her. We flew back to CO with her and got her settled at home again. It was funny because one of the Hospice nurses down in CO, kept telling me she knew me. She was certain we had met! Finally she realized that it was because we had met 2.5 years before as she came to Grandma's house, not as a nurse, but as a Medicaid worker. She remembered me as the young girl with all the children!

Grandma was a very strong person, she would get down alot, but she was very concerned about other people. Sometimes some people look at that as a bad thing, but I think it is a blessing in this world where so many people are only concerned about themselves.

My grandma became a Christian as an adult, being raised Catholic. I have just heard the story from relatives, but I heard that some neighbor ladies decided to come and help her with housecleaning and became friends. They would witness to her while cleaning and invited her to a Billy Graham Crusade, if I remember right. It makes me think of how something as simple as housecleaning spoke to that busy mom of 5 children and made her stop and listen.

She actually had 6 children, but one little boy was stillborn. His name was Jack, and I heard he was missing an arm. I like to know that now she was able to see her little boy and my grandpa in heaven with Jesus.

It is hard for me to not have the honor of taking care of her anymore, it was something special that we were able to help make her life a little happier this last year, so she could be more independent like she wanted to me.

I will never be able to go to eat somewhere probably without hearing her say "Eat something more than salad, for me." or "Promise me you will eat, sweetheart."

Another good memory is grandma, having trouble walking or standing and standing up to give someone else her chair or trying to clean the table!!! I have a feeling that will be me when I am older though! We loved to tease her that we would put on her grave "She gave up her chair!"

Our Mary

But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, [and looked] into the sepulchre,
And seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.
And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my Lord,
and I know not where they have laid him.

And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.
Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener,
saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.
Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.


When I think of Mary I am reminded of these scriptures that I have always thought parallels “our Mary”. In all our lives we all at some point can relate to the story ….to have so much hope … to believe in something so strongly and depend on someone so totally. Only to have your hopes dashed by some non-linear event, that really, you never even thought of. Not only did Jesus not setup His kingdom on earth but He was crucified and killed and hung from a tree. All her hopes were gone. Mary lost her Jesus and even the Angels couldn’t comfort her, she needed to find Jesus, himself. She was lost and distraught and didn’t even recognize her Savior standing right in front of her. I know I have been in the same spot a few times in the past, not knowing that glory, hope and Heaven await us on the other side.

Mary always made you feel like you were her favorite friend and honestly I think we all were her best friends. She stayed young in spite of what challenges were thrown her way. You and I know the non-linear events she had to deal with. In her life she hung onto her Jesus and wouldn’t let Him go and right now she is doing that quite literally. She was a joy to be with and we will always cherish her friendship.

I remember the time we all spent up at Mammoth and the fun we had, and without going into details, who can forget the Keith swimming trunks incident (She was mortified … we were hysterical).

We remember the fellowship we enjoyed at her home and also making sure we grabbed a seat by her at church. Spending time with her was a pleasure because we really enjoyed her company. She was incredibly funny and her laughter filled the room.

I am glad I got to spend some time with her this past March and pray with her. She was still close to Jesus, hanging on. Thanks Mary for showing me how to hang on and not let go.

I won’t say Goodbye, just

see ya later

Memories

I was telling Moriah that many of the things that would remind of Grandma are the things we use often. . My beautiful china cupboard with all the special things in it.
She gave me her scale, and since her eye sight was so bad, her scale talks.
So I took the scale to the birth center. Mama's with their big pregnant bellies can step on the scale and don't have to look down to see their weight. The only thing is the whole room can hear how much these mama's weight! We always have a good laugh over it.
She left us many, many precious things. I hope I have many things to pass on to my children too.
Joyce

Well, it's not a very good scan, but here is a picture of grandma when she was 16.